Mudblood
by SashaTamar
Summary: Severus Snape falls back to regret his most horrendous action: calling Lily Potter a Mudblood.


_Mudblood._

A word rooted in hatred and the word that forever ruined the one true friendship that Severus Snape had ever had. Dirty blood. Inferior. Unworthy. All titles that came along with the wretched word that he had placed on the one friend who had cared for him above the rest. Who had supported him with every fiber in her being. But was it her who had been unworthy, of was he the one that lacked worth? For all his life, Severus questioned why he existed. Why was he given the life he had; a life full of betrayal and lost love. Why did he deserve to live when so many others who were far more worthy of life, had died?

 _Mudblood._

The betrayal in her eyes was what had broken him that day. Not the japes thrown at him by James Potter and his gang; not the laughs that encircled him as he hung upside down in the air, the Potter boy using his own spell against him; not even the look of triumph that filled James eyes when Severus finally found himself on his feet once more. None of that mattered when he saw the betrayal, the pain, that flashed across her face. It was then that Severus knew he had crossed an unforgivable line. What had he done? By the Gods, what had he done?

Whispers flickered through the halls of Hogwarts that day. The day that would forever be the day he had lost his best friend. How could he ever forgive himself for that? How could he ever forgive himself for pushing her away like that? That was not what you did to those who you professed to love. On that day in history, Severus Snape had done the unforgivable and he spend the rest of his life searching for her forgiveness. But had she tried to forgive him?

No. She had not once offered forgiveness. And that was what ate away at him, still, to this day. He had tried; he had sought forgiveness for all the years to come, yet she had not sought to offer him forgiveness. Not once.

 _Mudblood._

Before Severus, stood two graves; both of them were simple in nature, yet they told a grand story of two parents who loved their son more than life itself. As Severus stood looking down at these graves, his opaque eyes traced the letters of a name he had not read in ages.

Lily Potter.

Conflicting emotions rattled in the Potion Masters chest. What would she think of him now, if she knew of all he had done? Would she be proud? Would she forgive him? All these questions rattled through his mind as his attentions returned to the two objects held within his grasp. A lily, and a letter. The lily, he lay to rest atop her grave as he did every year, but the letter, he gripped to, afraid to read what was written on the pages within the envelope.

 _Mudblood._

That memory sent a sharp pain through his mind as his gaze turned to the handwriting on the front of the snow white envelope that lay in his fingers. It was her handwriting. She had written to him on the night of her death, and even now, he had still yet to read it. But tonight, he had finally found the nerve to open it, and read it, and Severus only thought it befitting that he read it in her company. In the silence, the sound of paper crumpling open and his gaze finally fell to the words she had left for him in her final moments.

" _Severus, my dear Severus,_

 _Do not blame yourself for this. Don't you dare blame yourself for this. My death was, and never will be, your fault. I knew he would come for us, the moment Harry was born. How could he not? That prophecy spoke of my dear boy, and I lived in fear every day, for I knew I was going to die. Yet even then, I still could not ask you to forgive me._

 _Would you forgive me, Severus? For leaving you all those years? Did you know I wanted you to be Harry's godfather? Had James not already asked Sirius, I would have made you his godfather, for I know you would protect him, just as you protected me all those years ago at Hogwarts._

 _Oh god, I was a terrible friend to you Severus. I knew you did not mean to say what you did, and I should have seen that sooner. That is my biggest regret; turning away from you when you needed me most. You were my best friend, you are my best friend, and I turned away from you. I know I have no right to ask this but Harry needs to be protected. Voldemort will not die tonight and I need to know that my son will be safe. Please protect him Severus. For me. For what we used to be._

 _Please, forgive me Severus. Forgive me and above all, forgive yourself. You are not at fault for my death. My death falls on Voldemort and Voldemort alone. If I find out that you blame yourself for this, I will find a way to return and beat the crap out of you. You know I can._

 _Severus Snape, you are a good, kind, wonderful friend, and I know you grew to be an admirable man. Please, protect my son; protect that school; protect those who cannot protect themselves. Be the protector you were for me during our years together. I love you, Severus. Remember that, and remember I will always be with you, wherever you go. Now, go be the great man I know you can be and do not wallow in the past. It is done. Be brave, Severus. I'll help you through everything, as I should have done._

 _I love you. Your friend and confidant,_

 _Lily Potter_

For the first time in years, Severus shed tears. His head fell into his left hand, his right arm falling to his side. He was forgiven; she forgave him. After all these years, Severus found forgiveness. It was in this pose that Severus stayed for a while. Eventually, his shoulders stopped shaking and his head lifted and a new sort of light flickering across his cold eyes. In a slow motion, the Potion Master reached for his wand. It was dark that night and a warm breeze began to blow when Severus Snape whispered his spell.

Had you been paying attention to the graveyard in Godric's Hollow that evening, you would have come across a man holding a letter from his past, standing in the company of a blue doe, staring down at the grave of the best friend who had died to protect a son she loved more than life itself. If you had been standing close, you would have heard five simple words spoken over a grave.

"I will protect him, Lily."

A simple vow that spoke volumes. Yet even then, Severus knew he would never forget what he had done. He could forgive, but he could never forget. That word still caused too much harm; it had done so much damage. In those moments, Severus made another vow to himself. If he ever heard that word spoken in the manner he had used it, he would make sure whoever had used it would never use it again. The word had damaged him; a cruel word it was and Severus would do all he could to be rid of it. Never again would it be used in his presence.

 _Mudblood._


End file.
